Here In My Heart
by Shiroi Ryuu
Summary: Angst-- a songfic in which Van has this stupid pathetic fit. Anyways, dunno bout that. I have this sickness of not finishing off my songfics in one story. AGH! Who cares? I can write if I want! ^_^! Ja ne!


Here In My Heart

First Stanza

By White Dragon_10

Van Fanel had been sitting on top of the Palas Castle tower for more than an hour ago. Night had fallen, and the wind was still. Van could hear his heart pounding in his chest. Only one thing occupied his thoughts right now—Hitomi Kanzaki. 

_Wherever you are tonight girl,_

_ _

__It was months since she had left Gaea. She and him had been through a lot together… as friends. Van had learned to love her over those times they had. But then, she was blind to his emotions, and had run to Allen Schezar for love. Only pain had brought her to realize, and somehow it was too late. Van choked back a tear that forced out of his eye. He stared at the Mystic Moon… and wondered-- how could he let her go?

_I'll see you in my dreams_

_ _

__He knew he had to go on. Fanelia is on its way to back to its former splendor. He had to push back the thoughts aside his mind. Think of something else… but how could he, since everything reminded him of her? Van broke down at the thought. "Hitomi…" His voice spoke quietly in the dark. 

_Wherever I go tomorrow,_

_ _

__His hand found its way to his heart—to where the pendant Hitomi gave him hung. Clutching the stone, he closed his eyes, tears running freely right now. It was his first time to cry since he was five years old. His heart had an ache that kept coming back, no matter how many times he'd rub it away… It just went to stay. His emotions were spinning, bringing forth a rare power that surges only in his most tempest affection. His wings. His beautiful, ivory wings. Beautiful and majestic as it was cursed and dreaded. Van's tears kept at him, stinging his eyes. He no longer wanted to stand the pain anymore.

_You'll be here next to me._

_ _

Van stared longingly at the Mystic Moon that seemed so near yet so far away from him. He wanted her so bad; it bore a hole in his heart. If she only knew how it pained him to let her go back. But then, destiny has to have its way, no matter how cruel it may be. Van sat resolutely, his wings shedding feathers, white and soft as they were. Van caught a feather floating down into his palm, and it reminded him of the way Hitomi held the feather in her hand. So the prophecy said. His wings were signs of sacrifice. Shown only to the person he would love for the rest of his life. So like his mother. Remembrance of Hitomi made him remember his past…

Shadows were falling… the Mystic Moon hid behind the clouds. Silence was a like a gift offered to the gods. It was ethereal, heavenly and sublime... like love. Van watched on in silence. It was a long time before Van had the urge to go back. 

"Van- sama?" A gentle voice wafted to his ears. Van looked around to find Merle standing behind him. Her face was worried, concerned and loving. She sat beside Van and leaned on his shoulder. 

"You miss Hitomi, don't you?" she asked. Van turned to look at his childhood playmate, his best friend. He nodded. "Yes, sometimes—you know how I am." Merle nuzzled into his chest, smiling. "I miss her, too. She was patient with me… and—and even though I didn't like her at first, I—I know she'll make you happy. She'll come back—don't you think so? I know I do."

_And though we are a world apart,_

I hope she will, Van thought. Merle's presence had uplifted the pain from his heart, and instilled something new. Van now knew that even if Hitomi is one world apart from him, the hope of seeing her again would always remain in his heart.

_I know you'll never be that far._

Van watched the catgirl scamper away. Clutching his pendant tight in his hands, Van looked at her and softly whispered—

"Thanks, Merle."

**_Owari_**

___

**Authoress' Note:**

Awww… no. Angst is not one of my strongest writing genres. I know the ending is lame… but if Van goes to Earth it would be quite stereotyped, ne? I haven't been writing about Merle for a long time now… so I figured it would be a great chance. I'm still deciding about what to put in the chorus. I never had the patience to finish the whole song in one chapter, like my 'Need to be Next to You' song fic. Until now I haven't finished the song, with only the bridge left. I know it will take long until I finally finish all the song fics… I need some ideas to continue. Angst controls most of everything I write, (but like I said it's not my forte) I wonder why, though. Maybe because it's what I feel most of the time. Kinda depressing, ne?But then again, who am I to meddle with the intricacies of human emotion? (What did I just say?) Oh, well…

Ja ne, minna- san! Til next time!

P.S. Thanks to Yoko Kanno for composing 'A Far Cry' and 'Hitomi Theme'. They helped a lot in writing the story. 

P.P.S. What does the Jap word 'ningen' mean? ^_^V;;


End file.
